The Switch
by Valcyria
Summary: Some things you have to break in a million pieces before you can fix them. There is some things not even duct tape can fix. Ben watches while Alex is wasting away.


There is probably tons of mistakes in this and I promise that I will check up on this songfic again soon to correct what I can find but right now am I to tired for that.

Interpret it the way you want. Romance, fatherhood,sibling love. I had no particularly kind of love in mind when I wrote this. I just wanted to get my frustration over the hunger games out.

I own nothing but my stupid cellphone.

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><p><em><strong>The Swith<strong>_

He did not know when it happened, all he knew was that somewhere along all those missions Alex had broken in two pieces. Alex had switched the switch off and all that was left now was a mindless robot, always watching always listening.

_You say you know love, but you are just reflecting words you hear._  
>You are listening, you always listens. Some would say that is a good thing but they have never heard a former child speak words of endearment with the exact same intonation and emotion one of your friends uses when he is talking to his closest family. You listens and then repeats like the little good spy you are. Words meant to please suddenly sounds like poison when Ben realises this.<p>

_No iron in your veins could ever give you a sense of pain or fear_  
>Something is wrong when fear becomes a weapon that you use against others but do not feel yourself. When pain is just another way to reach your goal. When did your survival mechanisms turn into something meant to harm?<br>_It's just another lie, it's just another calculation,_

Those words, he wants so desperately to believe them and sometimes he does. He _knows_ that they are empty and that the kid is manipulating him but he is so tired and just wants to feel happy for once in a long time.

_Those words, he wants so desperately to believe them and sometimes he does._

He knows that they are empty and that the kid is manipulating him but he is so tired and just wants to feel happy for once in a long time.  
><em>And when the power's out, we're just another old sensation.<em>  
>And when all is said and done and Alex has reached his goal Ben feels a pang. It was just a game after all.<br>_This blood keeps me alive, but what is it that runs through you?_  
>What is it that keeps you going? I know what I am fighting for but what is it that makes you tick. Is it pride, determination or maybe you do not see another option. Maybe it is some remaining hope, but I sincerely doubt it.<br>_Electricity and wires, dictating everything you do._  
>Patterns, expectations and orders is controlling everything you do. You always eat at the exact same time no matter how much your stomach growls. Emotions and drives like hunger does not have any meaning to you anymore.<br>_You tell me that you hear me and all your memories are real,_  
>Stop telling me to not worry, that you are fine. Stop saying that you have dealt with all your memories and that you are not repressing or changing them, we both now that that is not true. Please stop sitting there with understanding in your eyes when I am talking to you. Please just listen and try to understand.<br>_But how do I know you don't just feel what you've been told to feel?_  
>I sit there watching while you interact with people. I see every time you change mask to adapt to what you think people expects to see. Sometimes I regret taking you to that psychiatrist. She told you what you are supposed to feel and you listened, you are <em>always<em> listening, and then you adapted. I keep wondering, have I ever seen the real you? How I am supposed to know when I have found you in that maze you call mind when I have never met you?  
><em>There's water in your eyes and I know I'm the reason that it's there,<em>  
>I know I am the reason you are crying, but why are you crying? Because I expect you to or because you are hurt?<br>_But still I don't feel bad because I know that you have more to spare._  
>I felt bad the first times but now? No I cannot do that. Someone has to get through that bulletproof armour of yours and I am tired of the excuses.<br>"He just needs some time."  
>"There is nothing wrong with him. He looks like he is happy."<br>"Not even a torpedo could break through that carapace."  
>"He is long gone, give up."<br>_And just behind your eyes are switches that can turn back on,_  
>You can switch the feelings on again so why wont you? What is it that you are hiding? Or whom?<br>_To clear away today 'til all your memories are gone_  
>You cannot ignore the past nor can you completely forget. Stop fooling yourself and open your eyes. It hurts but it is necessary.<p>

So no I wont stop. I will make you cry and I will break you sooner or later Because some things you have to break in a million pieces before you can fix them. Please little Alex, remove that duct tape of yours holding the pieces together so I can break you to fix you.

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><p><strong>AN:** I have corrected some things that I found. For example two sentences had mysteriously disappeared. I you see a mistake _please _tell me. Not just 'you have made mistakes' but please tell what I did wrong.

Btw forgot to write that the artist is Jayme Dee and the song is Rules from The Hunger Games soundtrack.


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